Oh, my these are short AND funny!

Oh, my these are short AND funny!
All stories written, acted, conceived, directed, thought of, and typed by Khopesh while asleep at the keyboard, taking a shower in the Sahara with a lollie pop.

Please respect that ALL of these stories are, in their entirety, 100% original works of Adam Katz for Khopesh Ltd and not for free distribution!

Animal War

         "Umm, sir;"
         "Ssshhh!"
         "Sir, I'm constipated!" Joe the cow, second in command to Sergeant Meow the Cow was not having a good day.
         Both were hidden in the garbage compactor as the renegade cows on a mission to stop the conquering camel force.
         Rrrr! The trash compactor crushed the renegade assault of two cows against one camel.
         "Sir!"
         "Shaddup!"
         *SQUISH*

Ywvara's Prize

Wiping the beads of sweat from her forehead, Ywvara had what she wanted. Finally, its over! All of those traps, life-threatening obstacles, goblins, and that mean kobold, all disposed of and out of my way! Now, lets see you work, my pretty. She was, of course, referring to the sole treasure that she had achieved on this long, gruelling eight month endeavor; her brand new, shiny instrument.
Ywvara pulled the thing out from her pocket and stroked it. Mmm, at last! She ducked away from the trail and behind some low trees, where she assembled the necessary components. She was about to enter a trance-like state, so she cast a privacy spell to shield herself from scrying visitors. Clearing an area of about eight by six feet, she then layed a thin layer of leaves, pulled off her clothes, and turned her vibrator on.

Chicken Butt (Hey Martin)

         "Hey, Martin!"
         "If it's me you're looking for, then keep looking."
         "Huh? You mean that you aren't you?" Dave hated it when Martin was a smart ass.
         "Call me what you want, but don't call me late for dinner!"
         "Yea, sure Martin."
         "No, really! Just pull my finger!"
         "Are you having problems or something?"
         "Gin."
         "Martin?"
         "Beeep! I'm sorry. No lines are available. Please leave a message..."
         "Is there something wrong?"
         "E=mc²"
         It was then that Dave saw what was in Martin's hand; a pill canister labelled "Bad-one-liner-itis."
         Martin went on; "There is nothing wrong with your reception; I control the horizontal . . . I control the vertical."
         Dave turned to run, but it was too late; he had been killed by malhumor.
         "Thank you sir, may I have another?"

The Order of Events

It was because of the demise of the first that the second collapsed under the new pressure. The third, also under tremendous pressure, just couldn't make it and the fourth and fifth just went with the pack. The sixth almost stood up to this force, but gave way at the last minute. The seventh just couldn't stand still as this all happened, so word came to the eighth that the eighth would go, and such was the case. This leads us to the ninth, who fell down. The tenth, strong tenth, was quite the stoic one, but alas, pressure is pressure, and push came to shove. The eleventh just couldn't help the situation, and the twelfth, who was friends with the tenth and the fourth, just went with them. The thirteenth was pushed off an edge, thus falling and, ironically, hitting the fourteenth square on the head. It was the fourteenth's every intention to ruin the sixteenth, but he was forced to move on the fifteenth (as that was the closer). Fortunately, the fifteenth heard of this and found it quite easy to knock off the sixteenth for the fourteenth. In frustration, the sixteenth bludgeoned the seventeenth down, and that lead to the loss of the eighteenth. The eighteenth just barely was able to fill out the assignment of banging the nineteenth, who was lost in the arms of the twentieth, who couldn't hold such a weight and collapsed to the twentyfirst's amazement. The twentyfirst was so awe-stricken, a faint into the unsuspecting twentysecond was in order. The twentysecond bumped into the twentythird, who swung around to hit the clumsy fool, but instead hit the twentyfourth, who took out all of its anger on the twentyfifth, and that is how my twentyfive domino setup worked.

Khopesh (khopesh@mindless.com)

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